Disappointments

If you’re reading this, even thought you saw such a lame, depressing and meaningless title, maybe you’re so bitter as I am.

This morning I’ve reached a terrifying realization. I was waiting for my train, full of workers, single moms and unemployed midle-aged mens, to get to my meaningless job, reading such a meaningless book that doesn’t entertain me at all. A book just like any other book you pick up from a blockbuster-library, sees the cover, and automatically knows what it’s about and how it’s gonna end, without adding anythink for your intellectual being.

Today I’ve realized how many months I’ve spent without reading a good book, without watching a meaningful movie, without draw something. My god, I’ve spent so much time doing nothing really great, that I can’t remember how to draw or write. Even my english is worst.

The truth is that I’ve been blind by happiness. I’ve got an well payed job, I’ve been working on my health, I’ve even got this fabulous guy, who cares about me like anyone else. So, my energies, my attention, all of me have been so focused on the good part of my life, that I’ve forgot that I still have too many things to improve and accomplish.

I hope I have what I need to balance things off. I wanna run like a crazy person after the things I think will make me happy in a couple of years from now, without giving hand of the things that are making me happy now. I don’t want to feel that I’m not empty enough to be an good artist. But I don’t want to feel so complete, and became mediocre.

All I’ve been asking today, is to have time enough to set things up.

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