The Foreboding Sense Of Impending Happiness

I don’t know why I always write in the middle of the night. For many times, I’ve already got into bed, and had to get out, turn on my PC and start to blog like 3:00 a.m.. I think the right side of our brain always work better at night, right? Because of the mystical, romantic atmosphere, maybe. But nothing drags out of my mind that I am afraid of people reading what I have to write. That I just wait till all my friends on facebook and twitter go to sleep, to tell to no one some dark or fragile aspects of my soul, even knowing that I have the urge to make it public. 

Today I have met a foreigner guy at the internet. We spoke for a couple of hours, and he is from the country that I have dreamed with my entire life. I never knew why my fascination for a country so forgettable for the others. This guy told me about some habits they have where he lives, and described me some of the places that I only had the chance to see by photos and imagine how it feels to be there. 

The need to be in that place, even if all by myself, became a lot bigger now. I had never spent an entire day planning only one thing, like I’ve done today. Did you already felt this urge, dear reader? Have you felt that your destiny, life, love and heart belongs to a ground that your feet never felt before? Because I can lay on my bed and stare at the celling, or sit by my window and lose myself in the night sky and feel that my heart and soul belongs to another place, and another people, far away from here. I daydream about it all the time. Trying to feel how it’s like to meet the friends I’ve never met, the lover I’ve never had, visit the places that I belong but never seen before. Listening to stories, and being a piece of this whole culture, so old, wise, and fantastic. 

My days are passing me by. I’m not growing younger or prettier. And my life is a mess. I have no idea on how to figure my life out. I am depressed, stressed and not very well dressed. I’m unenployed, hopeless, and less romantic everyday. I am becoming bitter, and after all these days drowning in apathy, feels so good to dream. I’m feeling so optimistic about my new plan of running away. Even if it’s only for a month or so. 

I wish I could tell you, my lovely reader, the story of my life. I feel that I have so much to share with you, and maybe you could learn something from my mistakes and accomplishments. I will do that, some day. I don’t know how my life is gonna be, what places my path is going to lead me into, and what kind of people are going to cross it. I am totally lost. But I know this is temporary.

All I wanted to tell you, is that the story have a happy ending, like the fairytales or epic battles where the hero pass through every challenge with honor and courage, and have his wife, children and friends are waiting for him at home. And all of them celebrates his victory, and listens to all of the lessons he had learnt the hardest way. But it’s far too soon for we to know how this story ends. 

All I can tell you by now, is that are great things coming for me very soon, and I am coming for them too. Good things comes for the ones who wait, but great things comes for the ones who act. 

Remember: You are the hero of your own story. Are you prepared to fight the dragons? 

Life is far too grand to be lived in the dark. 

If you had read this till the end, I love you for listening to my wandering. If you didn’t, even knowing you would never read this, I love you too. 

Sending much love and light for everyone, specially for those who wasn’t so kind. 

Mayu.