I really don’t know what I’m doing right now. I’m very tired, it’s 3 a.m, and my fingers and my head are all just fucked up from working all day long. But I need to tell you that you are the only reason I am not collapsing yet. You are the only thing keeping me insane enough. The hope of seeing you again is keeping me away from my sleep, from my food, from my worries and from my daily routine. All I can think or talk about is you. And your smile. And the blue tinted eyes that I’ve been staring at my entire childhood. And, god, this amazing voice that comes from the bottom of your chest.
Do you remember the crazy stuff we used to do as teenagers? The day we’ve almost got arrested, and then you passed out on the bathtub. Can’t stop laughing at this just yet. I just keep staring at the window, thinking about the day you will come through the door, hug me and say that you’d never want to leave again. Even knowing that you’ll have to. There’s no moon on the sky tonight. Wonder if you can see many stars from where you are now. I don’t know how many times I just lost my nights sitting here, wondering where you are, what you are feeling and doing right now, if you are thinking about me and the life you’ve left behind. At that time, if had asked me, I would have followed you. My god, the mess you’ve left… The hole in my heart and life. I just can’t believe you’re coming back. It doesn’t feel real.
I’ve been waiting for you. Anticipating what you do. I’m just sick of waiting for bad news. Day after day, I’ve been thinking about you and missing you. Feeling uncappable to feel absolutely happy about something untill I have the chance to tell you about it and see your smile. Oh, yeah, that’s why I’m still here. To hear you sing and say lots lots of shit until I start crying of laugh. To hear you say that you would have stayed for me. That something in my eyes makes you feel like you can’t live without me. That one day you will buy that black diamond ring for me, and ask me to marry you. Maybe it’s all bullshit. You are full of bullshit. But you are the reason I get off of the bed every single morning and get my shit together. Inside your beautiful blue eyes lies my strength. I’ve been browsing through all of your recent photos, and god, I’ve almost forgot how handsome you became.
All of this may sound strange for any other person who doesn’t understand our friendship. But you do. You say these things to me too. And we both know how about we really are soulmates.
Do you remember?
“Cuz all of me,
Loves all of you
All your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
You give your all to me
And I give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I’m losing I’m winning”
I love every single thing about you.